Here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer:
"Do not use while sleeping."
On a bag of Fritos:
"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down."
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating."
On an auto sun screen:
"Do not cover windshield while driving."
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes while on body."
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use."
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts."
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
On a laser pointer:
"Do not look directly into laser with remaining eye."
On a child's Superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
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