OK. Here in the category of "Yet Another Outstanding Example of Anecdotal Proof that 'The End is Near'" is a legit news, ah-h-, human interest, story. I'll let you read it and then I'll come back with a comment or two.
Pet waste removal worker finds $58 in dog poop
Jun 15, 9:19 PM (ET)
ST. LOUIS (AP) - This is why your mother says to wash your hands after handling money: A St. Louis worker found $58 - packed in dog poop. Steve Wilson works for DoodyCalls Pet Waste Removal. On a recent call, he noticed money sticking out from doggie doo. Wilson wasn't sure what to do, but eventually pulled out the bills, sanitized them, placed them in a plastic zip-locked bag and returned them to the customer. It turned out to be $58.
The company said the money was torn, but the serial numbers were identifiable, which means the bills could be returned to a bank and replaced with new money.
The Association of Professional Animal Waste Specialists says, "Wilson is the first person in his profession to find and report money in dog poop."
First, I feel compelled to stand up and draw a line on the difference between an occupation and that of a profession. I'm not trying to be elitist here, but given the nature of this subject's particular job and it's duties (no pun, intended... get it - dooty? duty!). I really find it unfathomable that any sane, bright, ambitious individual would be dreaming of and aspiring to one day becoming a pet waste professional! "A for me...I don't want to cure cancer. I want to pick up Lassie's poop!" I believe that the job description along with the formal set of responsibilities and duties associated with this position within a corporate framework is still solidly - an occupation, not a profession. Further, I say that it takes much more than some fee-based association that happens to use the word 'professional' in it's name to make this task, this service job, loftier or more than what it is - an occupation. Professions are necessary to the functioning and well being of a civilized society.
Second, isn't this story also metaphorical and ironic, through a different lens.
We learn about this special person, a laborer who displayed exceptional honesty and integrity and lives by an incredible code of honor. Given his circumstances I bet we would've thought nothing, if he had simply [cleaned and then] pocketed the cash. This is what he did -
He cleaned, sanitized and packaged the bills and brought them back to 'the owner' [of the pet]. Incredible!! He had nothing tangible to gain. The money was not his. He was paid for his labor, so therefore the only option was to return the money. This is what he believed. Wow!
Isn't that the kind of integrity we'd expect of our well educated, super smart, talented, innovative, information services savvy worker force; and especially those occupying the offices of C-level executives? Yet, even with history as the master teacher - we still failed to monitor and provide proper oversight and those folks were creating and selling packages of poo and adding rules and processes that made the system just a little more shaky and byzantine. Soon it was all about being part of the special priesthood. They basically made everyone believe that they possessed 'special talents' and that meant that they were entitled to earn an obscene amount of money! How obscene? Well, here's the situation for literally thousands of these financial trolls working Wall Street. They get paid an amount (in one year) that could provide a 'sizeable' nestegg for a couple or even a family of four to live off of for a decade or more. And then there are hundreds and hundreds more that could do that plus fund new ideas and small tech for 10 years. From seed, these young startups would create hundreds of jobs that pay competitvely and the company's products/services meet needs and solve real problems.
Anyhow, here we have a case of simple laborer working an occupation that performs a not so pleasant personal pet housekeeping sevice who believes that personal honesty and integrity can not to be compromised. And we also see that his actions with respect to the found money are completely 'professional'.
Whereas, the highly educated, respected, expereienced financial managers and their cadre of super talented, quick thinking, precise speaking, sharp dressing securities professionals working in the nation's top investment firms held their greed above the needs of the people they serve. This highly educated collective have erased and stolen more than hundreds of billions of dollars in equity from a great many people, organizations and countries.
They have rocked us to the core, thinking they were smarter and they could game the system. Still with all the 'negative' PR and the curtains being pulled down, you've got to admire their 'chutzpah' because they are still pulling down tens of millions of dollars in fees and salaries, they have skated over accountability, and they've still got most people fooled into believing that they are 'special somehow'.
Life is wonderfully mysterious.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Computer User Humor from the Emerald Isle
During a recent password audit at the Bank Of Ireland it was found that Paddy O'Toole was using the following password: MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyDublin
When Paddy was asked why he had such a long password, he replied, ''I was told me password had to contain at least 8 characters and include one capital.''
When Paddy was asked why he had such a long password, he replied, ''I was told me password had to contain at least 8 characters and include one capital.''
Sunday, March 21, 2010
A Government Job
A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.
The interviewer asks him, 'Are you allergic to anything?'
He replies, 'Yes, caffeine.'
'Have you ever been in the military service?'
'Yes,' he says. 'I was in Iraq for two years.'
The interviewer says, 'That will give you 5 extra points toward employment.'
Then he asks, 'Are you disabled in any way?'
The guy says, 'Yes, an IED exploded near me and I lost both of my testicles.'
The interviewer grimaces and then says, 'O.K. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 A.M to 4:00 P.M. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 A.M. and plan on starting at 10:00 A.M. Every day.'
The guy is puzzled and says, 'If the work hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M., why don't you want me to here until 10:00 A.M.?'
This is a government job,' the interviewer says, 'For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that.
The interviewer asks him, 'Are you allergic to anything?'
He replies, 'Yes, caffeine.'
'Have you ever been in the military service?'
'Yes,' he says. 'I was in Iraq for two years.'
The interviewer says, 'That will give you 5 extra points toward employment.'
Then he asks, 'Are you disabled in any way?'
The guy says, 'Yes, an IED exploded near me and I lost both of my testicles.'
The interviewer grimaces and then says, 'O.K. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 A.M to 4:00 P.M. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 A.M. and plan on starting at 10:00 A.M. Every day.'
The guy is puzzled and says, 'If the work hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M., why don't you want me to here until 10:00 A.M.?'
This is a government job,' the interviewer says, 'For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that.
Some Little Known Facts about Minnesota
MINNESOTA BECAME THE 32nd STATE ON MAY 11, 1858 AND WAS ORIGINALLY SETTLED BY A LOST TRIBE OF NORWEGIANS SEEKING REFUGE FROM THE SEARING HEAT OF WISCONSIN'S WINTERS.
THE STATE FLAG OF MINNESOTA CONSISTS OF A BLUE BACKGROUND UPON WHICH SITS A DESIGN BEST DESCRIBED AS "HOW A 7-YEAR- OLD CITY GIRL WOULD DRAW A PICTURE TITLED 'LIFE ON THE FARM'".
MINNESOTA GETS IT'S NAME FROM THE SIOUX INDIAN WORD "MAH-NEE-SOO-TAH",MEANING "NO, REALLY... THEY EAT FISH SOAKED IN LYE".
THE STATE SONG OF MINNESOTA IS "SOMEDAY THE VIKINGS WILL... AW, NEVER MIND".
THE MALL OF AMERICA IN BLOOMINGTON, MINNESOTA COVERS 9.5 MILLION SQUARE FEET AND HAS ENOUGH SPACE TO HOLD 185,000 IDIOT TEENAGERS YAPPING AWAY ON CELL PHONES.
MADISON, MINNESOTA IS KNOWN AS "THE LUTEFISK CAPITAL OF THE WORLD". ..... AVOID THIS CITY AT ALL COSTS.
"THE MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW" WAS SET IN MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA, AND WAS MARY'S FIRST REAL ACTING JOB SINCE LEAVING THE "DICK VAN DYKE SHOW". THE SHOW ABOUT A SINGLE WOMAN'S STRUGGLE TO FIND HAPPINESS IN THE BIG CITY, WAS ORIGINALLY TITLED "LIFE WITHOUT DICK", BUT THAT WAS CHANGED FOR SOME REASON.
THE STATE MOTTO OF MINNESOTA IS, "WHERE EVEN A MAN WHO WEARS A FEATHER BOA CAN BE GOVERNOR."
DOWNTOWN MINNEAPOLIS HAS AN ENCLOSED SKYWAY SYSTEM COVERING 52 BLOCKS, ALLOWING PEOPLE TO LIVE, WORK, EAT, AND SLEEP WITHOUT EVER GOING OUTSIDE. THE ONLY DOWNSIDE TO THIS IS THAT A NORWEGIAN OCCASIONALLY TURNS UP MISSING.
CARTOONIST CHARLES M. SHULTZ WAS BORN IN MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA AND GREW UP IN ST. PAUL. HE WAS THE ONLY ARTIST TO ACCURATELY DEPICT THE PERFECTLY CIRCULAR HEADS OF MINNESOTA NATIVES.
THE HORMEL COMPANY OF AUSTIN, MINNESOTA PRODUCES 6 MILLION CANS OF SPAM A YEAR, EVEN THOUGH NO ONE ACTUALLY EATS THAT CRAP.
WATER SKIS WERE INVENTED IN 1922 IN LAKE CITY, MINNESOTA BY RALPH SAMUELSON. SADLY, HE DROWNED SHORTLY AFTERWARDS, AS THE MOTORBOAT HADN'T BEEN INVENTED YET.
ST. PAUL, MINNESOTA WAS ORIGINALLY NAMED "PIG'S EYE", AFTER FRENCH CANADIAN WHISKEY TRADER PIERRE "PIG'S EYE" PARRANT. ITS "TWIN CITY", MINNEAPOLIS, WAS KNOWN AS "PIG'S COLON".
THE STAPLER WAS INVENTED IN SWINGLINE, MINNESOTA BY A CHUBBY, MUMBLING MAN NAMED MILTON IN 1899. THE CITY WAS MYSTERIOUSLY DESTROYED BY FIRE LATER THAT YEAR.
PELICAN RAPIDS IS HOME TO A 16-FOOT-TALL CONCRETE PELICAN, WHICH SUBSISTS ON A DIET OF 4-FOOT-LONG CONCRETE FISH. IN 1973, OLIVIA, MINNESOTA, ERECTED A 25-FOOT TALL FIBERGLASS CORN COB TO CELEBRATE ITS RICH, AGRICULTURAL HERITAGE. THEN IN 1974, IT WAS EATEN BY A 50-FOOT STATUE OF BABE THE BLUE OX. YES, MINNESOTA HAS A LOT OF PROBLEMS WITH STATUE CANNIBALISM.
MINNESOTA LICENSE PLATES ARE BLUE & WHITE AND CONTAIN THE PHRASE "BLIZZARDS ON INDEPENDENCE DAY - YOU GET USED TO IT."
FRANK C. MARS, FOUNDER OF THE MARS CANDY CO. WAS BORN IN NEWPORT, MINNESOTA. HIS 3 MUSKETEERS CANDY BAR ORIGINALLY CONTAINED THREE BARS IN ONE WRAPPER, EACH FILLED WITH A DIFFERENT FLAVOR NOUGAT - CHOCOLATE, SPAM, AND LUTEFISK.
THE FIRST FULLY AUTOMATIC POP-UP TOASTER WAS INVENTED IN MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA IN 1926. MINNESOTA'S STRINGENT BREAD - CONTROL LAWS CURRENTLY ONLY ALLOW RESIDENTS TO OWN -- SEMI-AUTOMATIC TOASTERS.
TONKA TRUCKS CONTINUE TO BE MANUFACTURED IN MINNETONKA, MINNESOTA, DESPITE THE THOUSANDS OF GI JOE DOLLS KILLED BY THEM ANNUALLY IN ROLLOVER ACCIDENTS. NO AIRBAGS, NO SEAT BELTS. THESE THINGS ARE DEATHTRAPS, I TELL YA!
AUTHOR LAURA INGALLS WILDER WAS RAISED AT WALNUT GROVE, MINNESOTA, AND WAS FAMOUS FOR WRITING THE "LITTLE HOUSE" SERIES OF BOOKS, AS WELL AS INVENTING THE "SPAM DIET" - WHICH CONSISTS OF LOOKING AT A PLATE OF SPAM UNTIL YOU LOSE YOUR APPETITE. MUCH LIKE THE "LUTEFISK DIET".
THE SNOWMOBILE WAS INVENTED IN ROSEAU, MINNESOTA SO AS TO ALLOW FAMILIES A MEANS OF ATTENDING INDEPENDENCE DAY PICNICS.
MINNESOTANS ARE ALMOST INDISTINGUISHABLE FROM WISCONSINITES. THE ONLY WAY TO TELL THEM APART IS TO ASK IF THEY VOTED FOR MONDALE IN '84.
THE STATE FLAG OF MINNESOTA CONSISTS OF A BLUE BACKGROUND UPON WHICH SITS A DESIGN BEST DESCRIBED AS "HOW A 7-YEAR- OLD CITY GIRL WOULD DRAW A PICTURE TITLED 'LIFE ON THE FARM'".
MINNESOTA GETS IT'S NAME FROM THE SIOUX INDIAN WORD "MAH-NEE-SOO-TAH",MEANING "NO, REALLY... THEY EAT FISH SOAKED IN LYE".
THE STATE SONG OF MINNESOTA IS "SOMEDAY THE VIKINGS WILL... AW, NEVER MIND".
THE MALL OF AMERICA IN BLOOMINGTON, MINNESOTA COVERS 9.5 MILLION SQUARE FEET AND HAS ENOUGH SPACE TO HOLD 185,000 IDIOT TEENAGERS YAPPING AWAY ON CELL PHONES.
MADISON, MINNESOTA IS KNOWN AS "THE LUTEFISK CAPITAL OF THE WORLD". ..... AVOID THIS CITY AT ALL COSTS.
"THE MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW" WAS SET IN MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA, AND WAS MARY'S FIRST REAL ACTING JOB SINCE LEAVING THE "DICK VAN DYKE SHOW". THE SHOW ABOUT A SINGLE WOMAN'S STRUGGLE TO FIND HAPPINESS IN THE BIG CITY, WAS ORIGINALLY TITLED "LIFE WITHOUT DICK", BUT THAT WAS CHANGED FOR SOME REASON.
THE STATE MOTTO OF MINNESOTA IS, "WHERE EVEN A MAN WHO WEARS A FEATHER BOA CAN BE GOVERNOR."
DOWNTOWN MINNEAPOLIS HAS AN ENCLOSED SKYWAY SYSTEM COVERING 52 BLOCKS, ALLOWING PEOPLE TO LIVE, WORK, EAT, AND SLEEP WITHOUT EVER GOING OUTSIDE. THE ONLY DOWNSIDE TO THIS IS THAT A NORWEGIAN OCCASIONALLY TURNS UP MISSING.
CARTOONIST CHARLES M. SHULTZ WAS BORN IN MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA AND GREW UP IN ST. PAUL. HE WAS THE ONLY ARTIST TO ACCURATELY DEPICT THE PERFECTLY CIRCULAR HEADS OF MINNESOTA NATIVES.
THE HORMEL COMPANY OF AUSTIN, MINNESOTA PRODUCES 6 MILLION CANS OF SPAM A YEAR, EVEN THOUGH NO ONE ACTUALLY EATS THAT CRAP.
WATER SKIS WERE INVENTED IN 1922 IN LAKE CITY, MINNESOTA BY RALPH SAMUELSON. SADLY, HE DROWNED SHORTLY AFTERWARDS, AS THE MOTORBOAT HADN'T BEEN INVENTED YET.
ST. PAUL, MINNESOTA WAS ORIGINALLY NAMED "PIG'S EYE", AFTER FRENCH CANADIAN WHISKEY TRADER PIERRE "PIG'S EYE" PARRANT. ITS "TWIN CITY", MINNEAPOLIS, WAS KNOWN AS "PIG'S COLON".
THE STAPLER WAS INVENTED IN SWINGLINE, MINNESOTA BY A CHUBBY, MUMBLING MAN NAMED MILTON IN 1899. THE CITY WAS MYSTERIOUSLY DESTROYED BY FIRE LATER THAT YEAR.
PELICAN RAPIDS IS HOME TO A 16-FOOT-TALL CONCRETE PELICAN, WHICH SUBSISTS ON A DIET OF 4-FOOT-LONG CONCRETE FISH. IN 1973, OLIVIA, MINNESOTA, ERECTED A 25-FOOT TALL FIBERGLASS CORN COB TO CELEBRATE ITS RICH, AGRICULTURAL HERITAGE. THEN IN 1974, IT WAS EATEN BY A 50-FOOT STATUE OF BABE THE BLUE OX. YES, MINNESOTA HAS A LOT OF PROBLEMS WITH STATUE CANNIBALISM.
MINNESOTA LICENSE PLATES ARE BLUE & WHITE AND CONTAIN THE PHRASE "BLIZZARDS ON INDEPENDENCE DAY - YOU GET USED TO IT."
FRANK C. MARS, FOUNDER OF THE MARS CANDY CO. WAS BORN IN NEWPORT, MINNESOTA. HIS 3 MUSKETEERS CANDY BAR ORIGINALLY CONTAINED THREE BARS IN ONE WRAPPER, EACH FILLED WITH A DIFFERENT FLAVOR NOUGAT - CHOCOLATE, SPAM, AND LUTEFISK.
THE FIRST FULLY AUTOMATIC POP-UP TOASTER WAS INVENTED IN MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA IN 1926. MINNESOTA'S STRINGENT BREAD - CONTROL LAWS CURRENTLY ONLY ALLOW RESIDENTS TO OWN -- SEMI-AUTOMATIC TOASTERS.
TONKA TRUCKS CONTINUE TO BE MANUFACTURED IN MINNETONKA, MINNESOTA, DESPITE THE THOUSANDS OF GI JOE DOLLS KILLED BY THEM ANNUALLY IN ROLLOVER ACCIDENTS. NO AIRBAGS, NO SEAT BELTS. THESE THINGS ARE DEATHTRAPS, I TELL YA!
AUTHOR LAURA INGALLS WILDER WAS RAISED AT WALNUT GROVE, MINNESOTA, AND WAS FAMOUS FOR WRITING THE "LITTLE HOUSE" SERIES OF BOOKS, AS WELL AS INVENTING THE "SPAM DIET" - WHICH CONSISTS OF LOOKING AT A PLATE OF SPAM UNTIL YOU LOSE YOUR APPETITE. MUCH LIKE THE "LUTEFISK DIET".
THE SNOWMOBILE WAS INVENTED IN ROSEAU, MINNESOTA SO AS TO ALLOW FAMILIES A MEANS OF ATTENDING INDEPENDENCE DAY PICNICS.
MINNESOTANS ARE ALMOST INDISTINGUISHABLE FROM WISCONSINITES. THE ONLY WAY TO TELL THEM APART IS TO ASK IF THEY VOTED FOR MONDALE IN '84.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Top Ten Reasons Why Golf Is Better Than Sex
Now that Tiger has apologized , I think it's time to let loose and let the golf and sex jokes fly... here goes (with thanks to Dave Letterman!)
#10.A below par performance is considered damn good.
#9. You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.
#8. It's much easier to find the sweet spot.
#7. Foursomes are encouraged.
#6. You can still make money doing it as a senior.
#5. Three times a day IS possible.
#4. Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you play with someone else.
#3. If you live in Florida you can do it almost everyday.
#2. You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished.
And the NUMBER ONE reason why golf is better than sex...
#1. If your equipment gets old and rusty, you can replace it!
#10.A below par performance is considered damn good.
#9. You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.
#8. It's much easier to find the sweet spot.
#7. Foursomes are encouraged.
#6. You can still make money doing it as a senior.
#5. Three times a day IS possible.
#4. Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you play with someone else.
#3. If you live in Florida you can do it almost everyday.
#2. You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished.
And the NUMBER ONE reason why golf is better than sex...
#1. If your equipment gets old and rusty, you can replace it!
Lesson of the Day
The last four letters in American............I Can
The last four letters in Republican..........I Can
The last four letters in Democrats..........Rats
End of Lesson *
* - Just in case you were wondering if I had had a stroke or my evil twin had taken over the blog, no. This is just lil' ol' me sitting around in my spandex bobsled suit and helmet with head warmer on doing my part to mollify the few conservative readers this blog has. FWIW, I'd say it is cute wordplay but I'd alspo add I think it just about exhausts their collective ability to be humorous and clever. Lastly, I do wonder how old this joke is?
A couple of days after this was posted, an artist contacted me and said, "One should also note that the last four letters in Democrats, spelled backwards is 'Star'."
The last four letters in Republican..........I Can
The last four letters in Democrats..........Rats
End of Lesson *
* - Just in case you were wondering if I had had a stroke or my evil twin had taken over the blog, no. This is just lil' ol' me sitting around in my spandex bobsled suit and helmet with head warmer on doing my part to mollify the few conservative readers this blog has. FWIW, I'd say it is cute wordplay but I'd alspo add I think it just about exhausts their collective ability to be humorous and clever. Lastly, I do wonder how old this joke is?
A couple of days after this was posted, an artist contacted me and said, "One should also note that the last four letters in Democrats, spelled backwards is 'Star'."
The Shredder
A young engineer was leaving the office at 5:45 p.m. when he found the Acting CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
"Listen," said the Acting CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary is not here. Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly," said the young engineer. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the Acting CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine, "I just need one copy."
Moral - Never, ever assume that your boss knows what he's doing.
"Listen," said the Acting CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary is not here. Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly," said the young engineer. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the Acting CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine, "I just need one copy."
Moral - Never, ever assume that your boss knows what he's doing.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Answering to Full-body Scanners at Airport Controversy
Here's a solution to all the controversy over installing full-body scanners at airports.
Have a booth that people step into with all their carry on luggage and without them having to take off their shoes or coats. This booth does not X-ray you, but it will detonate any explosive device you may have on or with you.
Problem solved! Except maybe for cleaning it up for the next passenger.
Have a booth that people step into with all their carry on luggage and without them having to take off their shoes or coats. This booth does not X-ray you, but it will detonate any explosive device you may have on or with you.
Problem solved! Except maybe for cleaning it up for the next passenger.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Older Person Friendly Policies at Work
Charley, a new retiree greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5,10,15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded, a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their “Older Person Friendly” policies. One day the boss called him into the office for a talk.
“Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic. You’re doing a bang-up job, but your being late so often is really quite bothersome.”
“Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it.”
‘’Well, good. You’re a team player. That’s what I like to hear. It is odd though, you’re coming in late. I know you’re retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say if you came in late there?”
"They said, ‘Good morning, Admiral, can I get you coffee, Sir?’"
“Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic. You’re doing a bang-up job, but your being late so often is really quite bothersome.”
“Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it.”
‘’Well, good. You’re a team player. That’s what I like to hear. It is odd though, you’re coming in late. I know you’re retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say if you came in late there?”
"They said, ‘Good morning, Admiral, can I get you coffee, Sir?’"
Diagnosis
I went to see my Doctor for fluid on my knee.
After a brief examination the Doctor said, "You're not aiming straight."
After a brief examination the Doctor said, "You're not aiming straight."
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